DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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