I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
