enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
