dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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