You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
