You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
