Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
