Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
