Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize