Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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