i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
