yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
