I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
