I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
