Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
