Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
