She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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