I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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