If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize