I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
