You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
