Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
