What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
