You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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