apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
