So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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