fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
