loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
