there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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