did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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