if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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