I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
