I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
