he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
A bitchslap is in order.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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