oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
