Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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