Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
