Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize