also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
