u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
