Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
