I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
