we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
