I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
