Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
