nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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