I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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