i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize