I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
His nipple licking is glorious
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