so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
