So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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