cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
