My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
