No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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