My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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