I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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