Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
