I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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