youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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