from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
