we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
