I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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