Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
