Can Purell be used as lube?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
