We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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