i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
