You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize