Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
