In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
