just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
