Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
