Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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