So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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