I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
