Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
