he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
