oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
