You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm having to shit out rocks
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