took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
