All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
