You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
