So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
