a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
