i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
