I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
