Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
high people should be assigned attendants
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just high enough for therapy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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