i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
