What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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