just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
