I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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