yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
