before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
