well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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